Your psychological makeup is developed through your interaction with your environment. It’s your personality. It’s also the main stage of your shadow self. Your insecurities. Your weaknesses. Your behaviours, all make up your psyche. Your traumas and achievements all add impact to your psyche.
Projection – Pacing blame, emotion or energy onto another person. In domestic violence and bullying it is usually conveyed in the form of aggression. When someone is having uncomfortable feelings, where they are emotionally immature and unable to process the emotional state they feel, they manipulate these uncomfortable feelings onto another person to relieve the distress they feel. Feelings such as guilt, envy, fear and shame.
The master manipulator can mimic, rehearse, imitate and act feelings that they personally don’t have. By watching observing and listening to how a behaviour is conveyed, they are able to imitate this behaviour themselves to enable them to manipulate your emotions and take control of your responses both emotionally and mentally, without your knowledge. They do this in insidious ways. Words are the most powerful weapon in humanity. The lesson is in the actions following those words.
Coercive manipulation is an attack on your basic human rights. It’s designed to confuse, silence and intimidate the victim.
Indirect intimidation: Slamming things down, banging things with a hint of anger. Menacing glances. Verbally intimidating or threatening attacks from a passive aggressive mindset. All contribute to conditioned behaviour responses.
Psychological tactics are to induce fear in the target; the brain then registers this response as flight or fight. Anxiety and adrenaline floods through the bloodstream. You’re then left to either run away or face the abuse. Over time this conditioning erodes away at your character.
Subtle attacks. To provoke anger or fear and using degrading themes. This puts the victim in the defensive. Being told you’re a slag when you know you’re not. You start to justify and defend your honour. The mysogynist starts to express himself and makes his comments personal to you, directly or indirectly.
Anger is the preferred reaction in psychological war, as it de-stabilises you and this is how the perpetrator can throw in his subtle ambiguous attacks, it increases your anxiety and your body is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, raising blood pressure giving sweaty palms, tremors, overwhelming panic, racing heart and bowel urgency to name a few.
Ambiguous language and sentence structure, leaving the victim confused to the meaning. Humans like and need security and certainty. In abuse ambiguous language is a useful skill to create confusion and doubt in the victim. Metaphorical speech and hidden threats, using sarcasm to hide real motives and thoughts. Being told you’re too sensitive, overriding your well-being and integrity.
Your personality is hijacked. Insidiously. Your shadows and weaknesses are now part of the agenda of power and control. To a narcissist. Your food and he needs your full cooperation to satiate the bottomless pit of human violation and degradation needed to feel more powerful. The game gets more and more exciting for them. It’s drama. It’s fun to torture and abuse you. The flood of adrenaline for them is addictive. Playing their tactics on the safe side of sadism and concealed from ever being discovered for the weak coward they really are. The game gets juicier and the kicks become more abhorrent and dehumanising. It’s a personal battle that society has drip fed to humanity through patriarchal conditioning.
You’ve had it now. It’s the final straw and you gather the courage. Which has taken every ounce of your being to pull together, it takes courage and strength, the tiny bit of strength you have left and call the police? Or you get out of the house. Out of his orbit and you breathe. Finally, you breathe and it feels wonderful, but terrifying in equal measure.
But the police can only keep him overnight. Tomorrow he returns. Or worse. You answer his call. He’s begging you, sobbing down the phone. He promises to change. To attend anger management. To see a medical professional. To get help for his awful behaviour. You don’t buy it anymore. Then the games become a psychological minefield to the inexperienced victim. He threatens to call your employer and tells them all the secrets you’ve told him. He threatens abhorrent abuse against your birth family. He’s going to kill your beloved pet. He’s telling all your girlfriends everything you called them. He’s going to expose you as the evil one by creating smear campaigns. In an act of violence and terrorised for the safety and welfare you feel responsible to protect your extended family, your pet, your pride. You return, with shame consuming you. Beaten. Defeated. Alone.
In your thoughts of despair, where can you be safe?
Psychiatry calls this behaviour a Personality disorder. The prison system only appears to accommodate the sloppy ones that get caught. The legal system has accepted the plea as a crime of passion, or his manipulation tactics are so exceptional, that he has them believing his pathological lies. The sociological system is encouraging their domination through cultural and peer traditions. The media is feeding the sexual predator with images of degradation, mysogyny and lust. Bombarding society and normalising pornography so it becomes the normal standard behaviour for everyone. The media promotes violent books and degrading romance stories that encourage young minds to engage in abusive behaviour. Television adverts encourage alcohol intake, to induce addiction and to numb down your awareness.
© Copyright 2015. Kelly Bristow. All Rights Reserved.