Trauma bonding and emotional rape.
Where a person identifies with their perpetrator and believes their life is dependant on them. They accept small tokens of praise and appreciation in exchange for being able to live. Some go on to defend their perpetrator from legal institutions as the bond is so entrenched in their behaviour.
How does it apply to domestic violence.
The perpetrator has eroded the mental, emotional and physical body so severely that the victim no longer trusts their own judgement. They begin to believe that escaping is futile and make the best of a bad situation. When life is calm, and some sense of normalcy is experienced, the victim rationalises the previous traumatic event as a one off experience. She believes the endless pleas and tears, she feels the pain of the perpetrator and desperately wants to help them and support them in their plight to change their destructive behaviour. They admit to all wrong doings and express shame and regret. They promise to be the charming man they first met. They may even get swamped with gifts or affection to hook the victim again. An over explosion of declaration of love and earnest promise of change let the victim believe in him again. Sometimes this can last months, but eventually the pattern starts all over again. He then starts to discard and devalue her, and the cycle begins again.
She may try calling the police, only if he comes straight back to the house, he tells her the police thought she was unhinged, crazy and imbalanced. He states that good women stand by their man, he applies the vows of better or worse. He uses excuses of being drunk or on drugs to excuse his behaviour. He plays with her higher emotions and gets her empathy and compassion to tolerate this suffering, submitting to his pathological lies. Once this cycle has re started. The emotional rape is now being implanted firmly in her mind and she is not aware of the impact this cycle of rape is causing her. She can’t see she is being raped as she is freely being compassionate and caring. Attending to his emotional needs and neglecting her own.
At this stage in the game your emotions have been heavily invested in the relationship. You begin to believe it’s normal. You may have even scratched the surface of this and had a brief talk with a girlfriend about it. But you could never reveal the full truth as she will judge you for being weak and pathetic for staying there. So you talk about the usual fights and squabbles. And you somehow believe that everybody has these relationship problems. “It’s what men are like”. You will hear frequently.
At this stage in the game you’ve either tried to leave the abusive relationship or are now starting to plan some form of escape.
He’s proven to be a damaged soul and his strategy is starting to lose effect. The next level is to emotionally rape you. How!
By telling you he will commit suicide if you ever leave. Or if you’re trying to leave. He may even take some tablets and stage the event so you will see he is being honest. Being so caught up in the drama of the game, you respond compassionately.
Or he will fabricate an Illness. Usually something terminal like testicular cancer or some other illness that he has to attend hospital appointments, where you will be left out of the process. A deceptive lie to engage your emotions. This is part of the sadistic plan, to make you feel ashamed to leave him in such a fragile mental or physical state. How cruel could you be if you left and he had cancer? Any normal human being is driven to help alleviate suffering and has the compassion to support those who need help in fragile health. But this is a game. He has no illness and his mental well-being is all part of the plan. This is emotional rape. When the game is up and you call him out on this, he can deny all of it and claim your sadistic for insinuating he could do this.
Trauma bonding and emotional rape.