To judge or not to judge… the cause and effect of prejudice!
I see so much on the internet these days of people shouting out their truth… expressing their voice… sharing their stories… yet what I seem to notice is that nobody seems to leave much room for human error. Hate and pain is shared, which is therapeutic as it helps to relieve the inner turmoil and discomfort, yet too much malice and hate, from a traumatic experience in conducive to healing, creating more segregation from one side to the other. Between man and wife, brother to brother, woman to woman, country to country!
There is no team, no side to pick, we are a combination of good things, and also of bad painful, events and experiences. We are not alone when it comes to trauma or pain, everybody has something that has hurt them, and shaped their attitude, protecting their inner being/child – soul, by inflating the ego. False bravado hides the fragile soul, the broken inner child, the rage inside burns away, pulsing through your veins as the memory lingers at the back of your mind. Triggering the emotional body, like a revolver, the gun clicks when the ego has been slighted, wounded the beast has been woken. Boom, the bullet has fired and the fire burns! The only thing you think of doing is reacting, retaliating and avenging, (unconsciously) because underneath the fragility of the pain, lies a child, maimed, innocent, lost and afraid.
Words have the power to heal and also the power to cause harm. Such a lot of hate and malice is spread from online conversations. Causing friction, conflict and further damage to both the individual sharing their story, and also the person posting negative or even mocking comments.
I know first hand that not everything in this world is black or white. There is so much grey in between the two extremes. This grey area allows us the opportunity for human error. To make mistakes… failures and its these mistakes that help us to learn and to grow. We all make mistakes because we’re human, that’s the purpose of life, to learn FROM our mistakes.
Do you even stop and look up from your phone to notice the community you live in, the wonder of how nature heals herself… how the tress and flowers bud year after year… or do you judge others and believe you are perfect!
Nobody is perfect, and perfection is unachievable, unobtainable. Only LOVE is perfect, real LOVE.
Hate breeds hate, popularity breeds contempt, brothers fighting against brothers, women fighting against each other, nation avenging against nation, – for popularity, for kudos…. To win? To be crowned the best.
We all fall from grace, nobody is indispensable in this world and the father of creation, (GOD the creator, universal consciousness, whatever name resonates to you) gives life, and also takes life… yet why do we have such growing discontentment in the world today? Society teaches us lessons just as much as our parents teach us our manners, respect, morals..
Compassion and understanding seem to be lacking in many areas of society these days. Yet how do we face this problem, how can we make positive change in a world that is fractured and fragile, from such cruelty and violence… fearful and anxious, because underneath, we know at a sub atomic level, we are all traumatised children beneath the mask we wear. And we each put on a face, to face the world, yet underneath this face we wear, faking us as happy, or do we stir below the surface with a bubbling river of rage and revenge, always staying on the back foot, because the volcano could explode at any moment… revenge because we were failed at some point from our past.
Our past is what shapes our future, and we all have some element of trauma, pain or a fractured and unloved childhood, buried beneath the exterior face we put on to show the world, then really, our past pain, is still controlling the future, the future that we yearn to change… to live… with peace.
Peace of mind… peace in the heart and peace in the world. All these concepts can only be achieved through integrating the ego within, accepting we all have a part of us that can be devilish, nasty, manipulative and conceited, just as we also have a kind, warm, innocent and loving part to us, then if we can do this, we can open our hearts with true compassion to the world that exists outside of us.
Change is painful… and change is what we all need, but WE can only change the world by changing ourselves… our attitudes, our thoughts and our behaviours. Change starts with US. ME and YOU.
We can only change ourselves, we cannot change the world until we change our behaviour with each other. Culture makes the world interesting, a learning experience so rich in diversity, and each nation his its own unique culture, this makes us all unique in our own way. We are not equal, we ARE UNIQUE… individual yet equally the same, beneath the surface and façade we choose.
Ask yourself honestly, do you stop to give the beggar some loose change because you feel empathy, or do you pass him money because it made you feel good, to prove you are a good citizen where public eyes are watching you… and then silently, in your private thought, you secretly despise and mock the man for having nothing? These things reveal your heart and soul, and being honest with yourself takes courage, vulnerability and humility.
It’s our ego and our self righteous perception in our beliefs that makes the world dark, violent and in desperate need of repair, compassion and loving kindness.
We all fall from grace… from heaven. We all have a cross to bear, and carry!
That man, who sits on the street corner… he was a successful businessperson a few years ago. He held a party at his home and there was a tragic incident. The house went on fire, and he lost his wife and son…. So, he found comfort and support from the bottle of whisky. Inconsolable from his loss, he fell from grace and found solace at the bottom of the bottle, where his only friend greets him in the morning. So, he can block out the intensive pain of that fatal night where he lost everything, he watched his family, burn to the ground with his home and business! Heartbroken from his loss, he gave all his money, three million away to a fireman’s charity and spends his days, waiting for death to take him away from his misery and pain.
The woman that drives around in her mobile scooter, with her fingerless gloves and coat, marked with stains of tea and coffee. She collects the paper every day, passers by frown and squinch their nose at her. Some people mock her, yet she keeps her head down and hurries back home. What they don’t see is her history, she was raped and abused by her parents when she was a child. She hides cigarette marks that cover every inch of her body. She takes comfort in eating, because it was food that gave her the strength to endure the physical, emotional and mental torture, since the time she was in nappies. But the passers by don’t know this about her, they’re more offended that she smells! She has no friends because she doesn’t know how to make a friend. Her parents forbade her from any social life. Afraid of human contact, because all her life, she was violated, abused, abandoned and betrayed. She lives each day with seven cats, the stray cats also call, and she feeds them too. Her life is devoted to nurturing the animals, because she fears humans!
And then there is the young man in wheelchair. He wears an army jacket as he propels himself to the pub at one o clock every day. He sits next to the bandit machine and watches the racing on the TV. Then goes home and makes a microwave meal, before retiring to bed. The lads in the pub are always taking the piss out of him, calling him spaz jack!! What they don’t know is the Jack, when he was 19 years old served in the army, he was a paratrooper, he was out on duty when a landmine exploded, he called out to his friend to stop walking, but his friend didn’t hear him, so he lunged forward and as he pushed his friend to safety, he lost both his legs for his courage and valance. But the lads in the pub don’t know this about him…. They’re too busy laughing at him as he self propels himself out of the pub and down the street back home.
And then there is the bag woman. She scours the bins every day, looking for recyclable materials, cans, plastic bottles, plastic bags. She wears a long puffer coat, which is grubby. Her hair is matted and in need of a comb. She has yellow teeth and a skinny frame. The passers by scowl at her, the youth throw stones at her as she scours in the bins. She shakes her fist and swears at them back, calling them ignorant runts! The youth torment her every time they see her, yet relentlessly, she collects her recycling materials and takes them to the local bins, to be re-used again. What they don’t see, is that when she was a young girl, her family were wealthy, and there was plenty of food and waste that she witnessed as a child. She grew up and challenged her parents, saying they were inconsiderate about how careless they were with money, objects and food. She rebelled against her strict draconian parents and starting taking heroin during her teenage years to find relief from her strict parents and their dysfunctional attitude towards her. Eventually her life spiralled out of control and her parents were ashamed of her, so they threw her out on the streets, after going through rehabilitation and withdrawing from heroin, she now lives in a one bedroomed flat, and her task every day is to clean up the public streets, where she recycles all the rubbish she finds in the refuse bins. She carefully separates the rubbish, sometimes she washes the tins out before taking them to a recycle bin. But the youths in her community judge her, throw stones and call her names. They don’t see that she is a good citizen, minding her business and cleaning up the environment, the very environment that the youths abuse!
And then there is the old man that walks around the shops at two o clock every day. He had a thriving business in his primitive years. He led a successful security business for the local nightclub, he has several trophies in his home, where he won several boxing competitions. His wife was a beautiful model and two daughters were adorned in all the best clothes and jewellery. It was his last boxing match that ended his prosperous career, and his marriage… his wife left him because she couldn’t tolerate his mental illness, his daughters abandoned him, because they were upset they lost their five bedroomed home due to hospital bills… his wife took all his money and left him broke. His memory was damaged, and he suffered severe amnesia… he lost everything, the divorce settlement left him with a good income, and the people he called his friends, abused his vulnerability and took all his money. His mental health isn’t stable, diagnosed with early onset dementia, every day at two o clock, he paces the streets around the shops, in his shorts and t-shirt jogging and sparring, he tells passers by he is training for his next match! The youth mock, taunt and tease him as he passes them by! They don’t see the boxing hero underneath, they can only see the scruffy old man, who is still twenty-seven (in his mind), in his sixty-seven-year-old frame! Vulnerable, weak and old, he is the laughing stock for the local youths and a free pint of ten, for the lads in the pub!
The heroes of the past, become the laughing jokes for the next generation, abused by the community in which they live in, used for their vulnerability and innocence. They are judged, by strangers, family and friends…
Yet those people passing judgement, making scornful remarks and feel insulted because they do not like how someone looks, smells or behaves, cannot see any further than their own self righteous prejudice, in bitter contempt for expecting perfection, they fail to see how ugly and imperfect their own attitude and behaviour truly is! They do not notice, acknowledge or even accept that it is their behaviour, attitude and contempt that keeps the prejudice and abuse in the world alive. In time, their day will come, where they too will have to stand, either before GOD, or in public, and be judged, by the same community they judged in their ignorance!
We can not change how people want to live their life, we cannot change peoples attitude, ignorance or prejudice, we can only change ourselves, and change can only happen from within, one person at a time, changing the way we judge others, and ourselves because each small change we each make, will have a ripple effect that shapes and changes the world in which we all live in. We… humanity… we ARE the change and only WE as a humanity can evoke change. We can’t keep expecting change by changing laws, making sentencing for criminals tougher. We… the people of society have to change too.
Make a small change in your attitude, your perspective, your thoughts, open your heart and let compassion bring forward the change we all seek to become.
Change starts from within. We all have a chance to make this world a better place, and we can all do this, by making one small change to our behaviour. To make this world a better place, change starts with ME and YOU