I’m not such an innocent girl!

I’m not such an innocent girl, I have a dark side too….. Beneath the shadow, at the depths of the abyss. I have a fire inside that flames like a blazing volcanic furnace, through exploring my shadow, I discovered where she was born!

She’s UNPREDICTABLE!!

So this post is an example of my shadow, what it is – and, what it can do! This example is the tip of the iceberg! I was 13 years of age (A child)…. Sexual traumas followed me around since I was eight. It would be fair to say, I had accumulated many wounds and trauma’s along the path of my life, and by the time I hit my teens, I had had ENOUGH of being ignored by authorities that were meant to protect me. I had enough of reaching out and asking for help from adults and teachers, when no help was available. Schools back in the 80’s didn’t listen, or care about child sexual exploitation, molestation, rape and assault – and neither did the police. There was NOBODY during my teenager years to help me, so I learnt to depend…. on ME

I HAVE A DANGEROUS STREAK…. A DARK SHADOW SIDE… I have always had a fear of my shadow, because I KNOW what she is capable of, and this example is where my bad girl found her VOICE, POWER and RAGING FEROCITY!

I was centre forward for the school Hockey Team (Yep, this is a St Trinians type of story) It was a match between the public school girls and the Private school girls. The austerity was palpable… these girls sneered at us, looked down their noses at us…. they believed they were better than us public school girls, and my Hockey Partner just couldn’t hold her tongue….

She looked down at me as we set up to begin the game and snootily said, ‘Ugh, public girls are so common! We were consistently mocked by the private school girls. For some reason, they believed they were superior because Daddy had a big bank account!

That was strike number one…. I didn’t react, I let it pass. We were more focused on winning, but ‘these bitches’ just couldn’t keep their traps shut!

Then she kept shoving me every time I went to strike the putt. That was strike number two!

She pulled the hockey stick at my ankle as I was running to chase the putt this was strike number three. That was her last and biggest mistake!

And it was now half time. We all discussed how DIRTY and VINDICTIVE the private school girls were playing. Honestly, the austerity of narcissism and self righteousness of private school girls was shocking. We were all getting quite agitated at their vindictive behaviour. So we agreed, we would play them at their own game.

Second half of the game, we switched goals, we wanted to win, because beating the private school girls was a victory we all craved. To beat them, in an honest game was not what they wanted…. they mocked us, belittled us, patronised us, laughed at us, blocked a fair game and were downright RUDE, ARROGANT AND CONCIETED!

As far as I was concerned, it was an eye for and eye, so theoretically, I had three strikes on my opponent. – And three strikes is what she got!

Strike one – She went to run forward and I grabbed her neatly tied plaited ponytail and yanked it back as she went to sprint for the putt. ‘Oh you bitch,’ she scowled at me. I shrugged her off and carried on playing.

She started to play dirtier, she shoved me – I shoved her back. Then as she went to run for the putt, I hooked my stick onto her foot and BANG…. The snotty BITCH face planted the gravel. ‘She wined’ to the referee and I denied everything. Some of her team mates kicked up at the referee saying I tripped her, and my team mates all stood by me, saying that she fell!

We still shoved as we went for the putt, and the score was equal between the two teams. Then my moment came…. She stood in front of me as I was about to take a shot for the goal.

Enflamed with a fury I could no longer supress. the fire inside blazed like a furnace…. ok, narcissistic bitch, now your getting it back.

I was faced with two choices….. take a shot and hope to score for the team, or take a shot at her shins and make the BITCH cry for her ignorance!

I chose the latter….. Flooded with adrenaline at the indignation of her cheek. The match was lit (she lit it) and the fire was blazing inside. The FORCE overtook me…. I pulled my stick back and gave it the most powerful swing that tiger woods would of been proud of…..

BANG…. I went straight for her shins!

The psychopathic, stuck up twisted snotty bitch dropped to the floor like a sack of shit! The referee sent me off the pitch immediately and told me to wait in the changing rooms!

Burning with RAGE and FURY…. the fire inside me just kept burning. I got told off by the coach, I started to feel guilty for letting the team down. I sat in the changing rooms, with my head bowed in shame, for my outburst and reaction… and then, when my teammates all came into the changing rooms…. I got a standing OVATION and the BIGGEST cheer of all. That’s the beauty of having TEAMMATES that have your back!

When girls and women come together, we are like a pack of wolves, ready to fight for HONOUR…. RESPECT… AND VALIANCE.

I have a Wild Heart and a fire inside… and I use this fire to PROTECT the disabled, GUARD the innocent, DEFEND the vulnerable, and SHELTER the CHILDREN.  I use my strength  to  protect the weak!

My EX was my greatest teacher, because he tried to TAME my WILD HEART…. and he FAILED, I give him credit for trying though.

The moral of the story…. I don’t condone violence, because I believe there is another way to resolve conflict…. with that said, I strenuously advise you to be mindful of what you say…. we live in a world where millions upon millions of us have been subjected to endless onslaughts of abuse and trauma during our childhood years, and those scars we hide may not be visible, but the trauma wounds are deep, hiding in their shadow – and if you don’t want to get burnt…. Don’t light the match! 

Think before you speak!

Some girls think its funny to mock, belittle and intimidate boys – They wouldn’t be laughing when they’re wiping the tears off their son’s faces because of narcissistic bitches like her!!

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