God is in the WIND!

The Film V for Vendetta was such a powerful film about a woman who has unconscious trauma’s regarding patriarchy, authority and father issues. Like many women today, who were raised in a patriarchal rigidity, where girls were regarded as second class citizens, inferior, subservient, where the value of a woman was reduced to domestication and servitude… thank god we now have Feminism.

Inside every repressed, abused and abandoned woman is a young wild warrior, screaming to get out, to be free, in all her wild abandon and glory… cherished for her true expression and abundant emotional gifts…

The film exemplifies the fears we bury, from a broken childhood… lost in the flames of abandonment… rejection…. abuse…… hidden traumas from our parents and societies conditioning, in the vain hope we will be seen and accepted, for the love that we are and what we bring…. silenced through disapproval and disappointment…. that shape the psyche, splitting the ego into two separate entities… one to protect the fragile, innocent self that sits cocooned underneath all the layers of beliefs, traditions and concepts of the conditional structures, the other to be the parent and protector, of the innocent child, hiding inside.

In the film, Evey points out that as V was made out of the flames, the experience of his torture, created a monster. I personally didn’t regard V as a monster, rather I saw him as the HERO. And as a man, he taught Evey how to find HER own Hero too. And this part of the film, totally nailed the joy of finding God – source again.

It isn’t until you’ve face death, when you’ve lost everything and you hit the bottom of the pit that you’ve been living in…. that you realise, at the bottom, you cannot fall down any further down… and its through such tragic events of trauma’s relived, where you learn the truth, of why you suffered so long, the journey wasn’t about pain and suffering, but a realisation of how far away you were – from God, source and his strength .. this is when you appreciate the lessons, the pain and the test….

I drove away, with nothing… going to nothing…. but i had one thing that i had been craving my entire life, my FREEDOM.

Words cant describe the feeling of joy I felt…. leaving a damaging relationship and the way it ended… led me to the foothold and gateway to freedom…. I was swept away just like Evey,… it was so magical…. To describe this, it was just like watching Evey walk out into the rain, after she faced her fears….. I felt like that too…

V found god in the Fire…. Evey found god in the Rain….. I found god in the Wind!

It felt amazing. At first it took my breathe away…. captured by awe and wonder, I wound the car window right down, taking small gulps of oxygen as I tried to saviour this powerful emotion that was pulsating through me…. From the depth of my stomach, a rising blast of empowering energy, overtook my core. I felt the rush of electricity surge up through my body and hit my eyes like a bolt of lightning. I think I jolted forward physically in my seat momentarily…. breathless and in total AWE, in that moment of exhalation, I released and set free, kundalini trauma... I felt like I had united with the wind. I was soaring, freely through the winding valleys of darkness. I felt totally safe, protected and vibrantly alive. I was bursting with vitality, tears of pure joy and gratitude that the trail was over, slowly crept down my face, each teardrop in that moment was so precious, tears of joy mixed with excitement and a totally overwhelming feeling of awe and true freedom….

FREEDOM…. one moment, seared in my heart forever….

Tears were cleansing the release of the prison I lived in…. I had imprisoned myself because of patriarchy, loyalty and total stupidity…

The night holds powerful and poignant memories for me.. a bittersweet illuminating moment….

A smile washed over my face as I lit up momentarily with pure, unadulterated, profound gratitude…. to the open air around me…. Like Evey, walking out into the rain…. I drove off down the lane, birthing my own ‘Evey’ the survivor, that lived inside me, who protected me when I was in danger, kept me safe when I was at my weakest…. The part of me that kept me alive…. was driving out of hell….

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