Your Narcissistic Shadow

The dark side of the ego (narcissism) or shadow self of some people leads to destructive or violent behavior, but getting in touch with the hidden or disowned parts of ourselves can help most of us lead a more fulfilling and creative life.

One of the main challenges in that facing those parts can be threatening and make us want to shut down or hide. For example, you get irritated when someone is rude to you, it’s a good bet you haven’t owned your own rudeness. All negative behaviours hide in the shadow, and these behaviours surface, when the fragile ego has been touched, bruised or hurt!

This doesn’t mean the person isn’t being rude to you. However, if rudeness wasn’t in your shadow self, someone else’s rudeness wouldn’t bother you so much. 

This process doesn’t happen consciously. We aren’t truly aware of our projections. Our egos use this mechanism to defend itself—to defend how it perceives itself. Our false identities of being “good” keep us from connecting to our shadow. Jung’s analogy of the Cave and the shadow really explains this concept perfectly! 

Shadow Behavior is simply a negative – and often automatic, unintentional and unconscious –response to events, people and situations.

Different people exhibit different Shadow Behaviors.

You may act defensively, resist change, manipulate others or act aggressively. Or you may be impatient, overbearing, territorial, unresponsive or have a moody style.

Whatever your Shadow, they are predictable as well as preventable.

Of course, people display Shadow Behavior in varying degrees – as you might expect, the effect can be severe. 

Not only does Shadow Behavior block personal performance and productivity, it also…

•Damages relationships

•Blocks communication

•Interferes with teamwork

•Destroys morale

•Clouds judgement

•Undermines decision making

In a survey of over a million employees and 80,000 managers, the conclusion was: people primarily leave jobs and companies because of their boss, not because of pay or perks. 

Triggers may be verbal or non-verbal and they may be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious.

Whatever the case, Triggers produce positive and negative responses.

Positive – if you know how to manage and anticipate them…

Negative – if they come out of left field.

You have your own set of Triggers, as does everyone else, and these are a unique set of Triggers based on their own individual persona and behaviour. You’ve probably noticed how something that bothers you may have little impact on another person.

In an ideal world, Triggers wouldn’t affect you. You would live without stress in a continuous state of acceptance. You would tolerate all motives and behaviors different from yours.

You would have perfect relationships … forever.

Of course, it’s unrealistic to expect this. Stress, pressure and demands are constants in your life. Others’ actions don’t always sit well with your way of thinking – and it affects you. Fortunately, tools and strategies are available to avoid Triggers from getting the best of you. But before you can use them, you must become consciously aware of your Triggers.

That way you’ll understand what potential issues – and the associated emotional and physical feelings – set you off.

It’s this recognition and response that can change your potentially unproductive patterns into positive Best Self behaviors.

Best Self behaviors include being flexible, open, adaptable, encouraging, helping (without condition), assertive, responsive, loyal, detailed and attentive.

Unfortunately, these are not automatic behaviours for many. In fact, opposite behaviors, Shadow, can be more naturally occuring in high-stress situations.

Infused journaling and team/individual coaching to reveal the unconscious motivations that drive a person’s behaviour and actions.

Instead of only describing observable behaviors or preferences, address the root cause of persistent issues by uncovering changes needed for improvement, growth and change.

Unconscious Motivators of which there are multiple combinations, provide the foundation for why you do what you do, say what you say, and think what you think.

Unconscious Motivators are not preferences, strengths, biases, talents, likes or dislikes. Instead, they are your deep motivations working on an unconscious level.

Triggers – people, events, or circumstances that feel like an an attack on your Unconscious Motivators. Triggers are not intentional – people are just being who they are. But our automatic responses are still dangerous and sometimes destructive!

Triggers can have such a visceral effect.

It is important to know what your unique Triggers are, how to avoid them and ways to recover quickly from their impact. It is also important to know other peoples triggers. This knowledge helps you change habitual behavioral patterns.

The goal is to reduce Shadow behavior and build up your Best Self. That is precisely how productivity and performance are enhanced.

Uncovering your Unconscious will not only reveal your destructive nature, but it will also allow you to understand yourself, the programming you have experienced and enable you to re-write your future, all by taking control of your mind.

Knowing your shadow and narcissistic side will propel you to evolve, enhance soul growth and free you from the limitations of the 3D, mind games and expand into 5D consciousness! 

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