The second part to the novel, ‘The Dark Knight of the soul’ in this chapter Jenny reveals her shadow…..
October 17th Jenny Aged 13
It’s the second time this month. This time it was a flasher….. he followed me home, I felt an air of tension, I could sense something was off and I felt anxious. Like a heavy weight had suddenly dropped in my stomach.
He wore dark black jeans, a green bomber jacket and some timberland beige boots. His t-shirt was black and there was a slogan written on the front. I couldn’t see what it said, as his jacket obscured the writing.
He walked across the road and I stayed close the houses, I learnt from last time that to stay where the path was lit and near to houses, so that I could knock on a door should something happen again.
He kept looking over at me, that’s when I knew he wasn’t any normal passerby. I knew he had sinister intentions. Then he walked further ahead and didn’t look back.
I stayed on my side of the road and as I reached the corner, that’s where he was. He walked across the road to me, his penis was hanging out of his trousers.
I was so shocked that I ran back the other way and hammered on the first house that I saw. As I banged and banged, he looked like he adjusted himself and ran off the other way. I blurted out to the home owners that there was a dangerous man in the street. The man asked me to come inside and called the police.
As they took down the details, they asked for an identity, so I passed the details over the phone. I told them where I lived, and they said they would send someone out to take a statement.
I went to my friend’s house. I caught the bus and when I left off from the terminal, I saw three boys loitering around by the shops. They were all about my age, they all walked over to my path, and I kept my head down, looking at the ground. They all came over to me, one of the boys started pushing me into the other one. I yelled at them and told them to leave me alone. The boys were really fast, one of them tripped me up and the other one pushed me backwards. Then they held me down as they pulled off my clothes, I was kick-ing and screaming for them to get off me. Screaming help as the bus driver pulled away?
Then one of them pulled my jeans down so far that It trapped my ankles, I couldn’t kick anymore he opened my legs and rammed his fingers into me. The burning pain as it scratched inside was so painful I screamed louder. Then two older boys came along and pulled them off me. One ran away and the other two were given a punch and kick by the boys, I was too bust redressing myself that I didn’t notice what they were doing to the boys. I got up and started running to my friend’s house and left them.
When I told my friends mother she called the police. Her brother tommy ran out of the house to the bus terminal where I was attacked and when he came back they were gone.
I could barely contain my rage. The emotions I felt were explosive, raw and overwhelming. I paced and paced around the living room, panting and gasping at air. I didn’t even notice my breathing, I was too consumed with rage, humiliation and shame.
Eventually her mother came off the phone and said the police would call around the area later to check if they were gone.
I was fuming. Again, the police ignored my pleas for justice. I was starting to feel invisible in this violent and criminal world.
What point is it to pay taxes to a police force when they fail to even carry out the most basic of interviews. I thought the police force were supposed to protect the citizens of the community, only in my case. They clearly didn’t give a shit!
It was Halloween at school and I was waiting in the park for my friends. It was eight o clock at night and the park was dark, but it had the floodlights from the school playing field to light the park. It looked pretty, the shadows that flooded through the woodland at the side of the pitch. The trees looked so mysterious and full of allure. I noticed a man walking at the side of the woodland, beside the pitch. He had a black and white dog and he walked out of the wooded area, another one masturbating at me. I turned to look away, honestly, I was getting tired of these morons!
Then he retreated back into the woodland. I thought my ignoring him had worked. Then within minutes he came running out again, masturbating. I felt a hand clutch inside, my stomach dropped to the floor and I leapt off the swing and ran. I ran as fast as my feet could. Pounding the pavement, I ran out of the park and home again.
My mother was out with her friends and I told my sister about the man in the park.
The police finally called today. Only it wasn’t for any of my complaints. It was a door to door enquiry to ask if anybody had seen anything that night around 8:30pm. He said a young girl 18 years old was raped behind the local shops and the rapist had a dog?
I told the police man about the man I saw. I gave them a clear description and he said it matched the one the girl gave. I was shocked. It was the first time I had even been given the chance to share my story and it was another girl that was raped.
I told the policeman what he was doing and what he wore. A beige jacket, corded trou-sers, dark, grey was what I saw, and the dog was small, black and white with a red collar.
The policeman asked if I could make a statement so that the crown prosecution service would need the added evidence to press charges.
I said I was glad to help. In truth, I was really relieved that someone was finally listening. These attackers were clearly prowling the area and I had evaded three of them so far.
I do feel bad for that young girl. I remembered the three boys that pinned me down and tried raping me.
Isn’t this world so violent and unfair?
Does anybody care about protecting girls from these monsters these days?
There was a bomb scare in the school today? So much drama happened. Five fire en-gines, three ambulance trucks and four police cars all parked on the pitch. Then the Territorial Army came. Wow, what a turnout for a false alarm.
I saw the police officer that came to my house, last week. I asked him what happened to the young girl, and that nobody called to take my statement. He said the crown prosecu-tion threw the case out of court. There wasn’t enough evidence?
What? Even I was a witness, I may not have seen him rape her, but I know it was the same man that was masturbating and then chased me with his dog.
Today I was really pissed off with the teachers at school. Scott Jeffs kept pulling at my bra strap in class and it was really irritating me.
I told Mr Wrigg and he just dismissed me as over acing.
I sat in my seat, bubbling up with anger and fury. I was about to snap and I wasn’t having this bullshit anymore.
Either the adults of this world were going to listen to the risks and dangers of the school students and especially the girls. Or I would have to make them listen.
I couldn’t sleep last night. It was tossing and turning in my bed. Ange consumed me again. I really wanted to pace the room but I didn’t want to wake y mum or sister. I lay there all night thinking up ways to make the school listen.
I was MAD MAD MAD….. anger consumed me….. oh was I going to make them PAY!!
That’s when I hatched the masterplan?
If my experiences were not worthy of police attention and time. I would make them listen. These bastards think they can keep tormenting and abusing girls and not give them the time of day to share their experiences. Invalidated…. Irrelevant…… insignificant… IGNORED……
I’ll make you motherfuckers listen, HOW DARE YOU, RAPE, ABUSE, ABANDON AND DEFILE innocent girls.
I was on fire and the school was about to see the full extent of my WRATH!!
In school, I was in the chemistry lab and would you believe it, Scott Jenks snapped my bra strap again!…… That was it
Enough was enough.
Now its payback time. I will NOT BE SILENCED ANYMORE! Ill make them listen this time!
I managed to get a card out to visit the bathroom and as I walked down the corridor, the lab at the end of the hall was empty. I walked in and turned on every gas tap. Then quietly closed the door and wandered off to the toilet.
It was nearly break time on my way back to class, I checked in on the science lab, I walked down the Corridor to see if I could smell the gas. Yes, it was fresh.
I went into class and the bell rang. I quickly ran out of the building and round the side, where it was quiet and no-one could see me. I took the glass bottle out of my bag, put a rag inside and lit the rag. My eyes were glazed as the flame and smoke
I stood beside the window, rage, anger and shame for all of the moments where I was laying there, with my dignity under full attack…. being raped. The flashers, the three boys, the man in the park. All of them……
I put all my pain into the bottle and threw it with every ounce of my shame and lost dignity, it went crashing through the window and I hurried away from the building. Within seconds, there was this huge bang. I turned around, the anger and fury of being ignored and abused, with no responsible adults to listen to me. The pain and wrath of my temper was transmuted into clear steam that came out through my flared nostrils, I had the greatest of pleasure, watching the smoke billow up to the skies and my sweet revenge, was rewarded as half the school hall went up in a billow of smoke.
If my statement isn’t good enough for the crown prosecution service, and all my attacks are just a waste of their precious police time, then I’ll just have to waste theirs time.
Now you’ll fucking listen
The school went into chaos and I sauntered onto the pitch with all the others, in fact it was a pleasure to join in with all the drama.
If only they knew the truth…. but then again, they weren’t interested were they!
The fire service and the police made their way around the school asking questions. I de-nied anything, I kept my face poker straight and went along with everyone else’s look of shock and horror.
I felt my heart race again, only this time, I really was scared I was going to get caught. In my moment of anger, I let my temper get the better of me. But come on, it was well justi-fied!
I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY
Fucking BASTARDS will LISTEN NEXT TIME!
Ellie snapped the diary shut. I scanned her face for any clue of her judgement of me. ‘I’m not like that now. It was the reason I stayed so long. Because he was using this as a weapon!’ my voice was shaky, I was really terrified… I mean, what if she wanted to hand me into the police? I was sure she wouldn’t so I tried not to think like that.
‘He was Emotional blackmailing you?’
‘Yes.’ It’s a bit of a mess isn’t it?’ I felt sheepish saying it. I was so anxious Ellie would think I was still that angry teenager from years ago. As it wasn’t anything like the person I had now become! A total contrast, like she was my shadow opposite!
‘I do understand, I mean, you were 13 years old, after the abuse you had endured and the fact that nobody would listen to you. I’m not surprised you retaliated and shouted louder, to get your voice heard. I’m just surprised at the science lab,’ Ellie leant forward across the table to whisper, ‘You could have caused a major catastrophe? Murder even?’
‘I know…. I know, I feel so guilty about that. I totally blacked out on blind rage… I was so mad at the time….. fed up with being ignored every time I spoke out to get help…… It was such a painful time. I sometimes think the reason why I stayed so long was because of my past… you know…. Like it was punishment and all that.’ I was biting my lip with anxious tension. Ellie looked stony faced, I couldn’t read what she was thinking or feeling, only my stomach was doing major summersaults.
‘Jenny,’ Ellie spoke with authority and conviction. ‘That is one heavy shadow you have their!’
I remained tight lipped and nodded, although I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant at this point, I just prayed she didn’t feel compelled to read more.
‘You think I deserved it too don’t you,’ I asked, dropping my head in shame.
‘No….. do you hate him Jenny?’
I nodded, although I was more afraid of him and oddly, I could sense from Ellie’s tone that there was more to her question…
‘C’mon, lets hit the road.’ It was like music to my ears, I leapt up and then started to wonder what she meant. Did I hate him?