Learning to Love yourself…..

To be able to love other people, first we must learn to love ourselves. So how come so many of us are getting this concept wrong? Is vanity having a detrimental affect on the society today? Or is the ego so powerful, that love is difficult to obtain, without outside approval?

Love is…..

In the Greek fable, narcissisus was unable to, and refused to believe there was anybody worthy of him, so naturally all he ever experienced was an echo to his own omnipotence, his own superiority? Such was his love for himself that the lesson he failed was learning to love others as much as he loved himself. And this is the lesson we all have to learn. I believe this is the lesson of life and the purpose of why we are here. To learn to love. After all, isn’t everything a mirror of who we are and how we all connect on earth?

Love is such a difficult emotion to grasp, it’s fragile, and easy to lose. Anger stands at the polar opposite to love and the story of narcisscus is a powerful tale of reality and the mirrors what we each interact with, on a daily basis.

Anger, its an emotion we all have experienced at some point in our lives. It’s an emotion that can have a stranglehold on our life and how we experience it. Anger is a double edged sword, like most things in this reality. Anger can be the tool that fuels your spark, making a great fire enflame within, or it can be the fire that burns out the spark inside and kills you!

Anger is part of the shadow and the shadow can have a powerful effect on our behaviour, thinking and feeling natures. If someone or something has angered you, its a nudge to tell you that you still have work to do, on yourself!

Anger causes so much suffering, its also a cause of depression which is anger reverted in on itself. Sure there are some things that are out of your control, which can anger you, but that doesn’t mean you should react to it. Self control is learning to cope and manage negative emotions, even when these emotions have triggered a sore or a wound deep within.

Anger can create more stress and anxiety than any other emotion. It’s the fuel of darkness we each hold inside, and by purging our own anger and learning to let it go, we discover that we free ourselves from a past wound, allowing us to move forward without feeling hurt or reactive.

To be able to control ourselves, we must learn to control our anger. Although I’m not saying its an easy task, because the main reason that we have anger is because we still have some unconscious beliefs or subconscious wounds, that fuels this aspect in us.

Where or what triggers wounds  – Narcissism, and narcissism is a double edged sword – it can cause one person to over inflate themselves and destroy their capacity to learn to love another or it can swing the other way and cause destruction and calamity, against others. We are angered easily because of the ego, and the ego believes it is self righteous and superior to the mirror that we interact with. Just as Narcissus could only love his reflection, so too can narcissism also cause such wilful pride and arrogance.

Some believe that narcissism is obsessive self love and pride, and yes, it is, but its also a lot more varied and widespread than just being in love with one’s own vanity. It isn’t fair to claim that all celebrities are narcissistic? Didn’t they earn their passage to fame and fortune by talent, determination and sheer hard work alone. Secondly, pathological Narcissism is an abuse tactic, so how can it relate to celebrities?

Narcissism is a by product of the ego, and the ego can lead us one way or the other. To motivate and improve, or to use others to do our work for us. Narcissism is easily wounded and is also innate in all of us, secondly, narcissism is reacted or triggered, by anger.

Anger that is an attack to the ego – and the ego is that part of us that believes we are superior. That inner wound that says ‘how dare you speak to me like that!’ or ‘I deserve X, Y, or Z’ when someone has said something that hits a nerve inside, inflaming the fire that has been slighted. This is the narcissism that gets bruised, and its this inner narcissism that is the concept that can destroy the self, underneath all the programmes and belief systems that have been installed since childhood. The purpose of Echo, is where the lie starts to take form. The Echo is the reflection of what we want to hear, as opposed to being told the truth of who we really are. Which is why truth about narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder is more insidious than many can understand.

Don’t forget, we are all born equal and the same, its our upbringing and the lessons of life that teach us about ourselves and our true nature. How we’re taught to overcome our childhood and the challenges presented to us is what makes us and shapes our personality. We all have our own individual journey to follow, interacting with others is part of the experience.

Anger, is a lesson for the ego, a lesson that teaches the person they still have work to do. So many people these days believe in their own omnipotence and superiority that when angered, they explode into a blind rage. Or they secretly plot a revenge attack at you, because they didn’t like what you said. Again, the lesson is in the emotion, how you respond is what defines the consequences to your actions.

When is anger justified? Does anger have justification? Anger is the inner voice, from a repressed emotion, usually from childhood where something was taken or where the childhood experienced a wounding. Anger, as the opposite to love is fuel to an ever growing flame that is impossible to douse without uncovering the underlying complex beneath the emotion. As one opponent hits out and the other side hits back again, only harder. The conflicts that we as a species develop, are man made and have caused an unlimited stream of pain and suffering along the way. Because of the ego!

Learning to love yourself is an inside job, you have to learn to accept all of yourself, your shadow, your flaws and your best parts too. Acceptance of yourself is a major step forward in discovering who you are.

When you can look in the mirror and take care of yourself, you come to understand only you are responsible to yourself, you have to live with yourself and the you have to accept the consequences to your actions. When you truly do love yourself, you realise you don’t need anybody to validate your worth, and this is the freedom you realise, once you resolve your childhood wounds and release yourself from ego bondage.

The truth is; You can’t change anybody else. You can’t change the world either, for want of trying, but you do have the power and authority to change yourself. To change your behaviour and most of all, to change your mind.

You are in control of yourself, including your negativity. Own all of yourself, your the only person who can really love you and make you happy. Only love can light the darkness, and you have a spark of light inside. Some things may have happened during childhood and you can’t change what happened, but you can choose to not let is take up residency in your present. You don’t have to let the ghosts of the past, affect your present and your future.


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