Emotional Abuse – The Narcissist tool of control!

Emotional stability refers to a person’s ability to remain calm  when faced with pressure or stress. Someone who is emotionally unstable is more volatile, which means the person faces an increased risk of reacting with violent or harmful behaviours when provoked.

  • Stable
  • They don’t take other people’s behaviour personally.
    They don’t get caught up in petty arguments and drama.
    They don’t just react (they respond mindfully).
    They don’t get stuck thinking the world is ending.
  • Unstable
  • Mentally strong people are never afraid to challenge the status quo.
    People who are emotionally and mentally strong know that they have to take.
    They’re open about their needs and feelings.
    They know how and when to set boundaries.

We’re all emotional to some degree, and our emotions are what cause us the greatest distress. We fall in love, we fall out of love. We grieve, we cry etc, these are all emotions in action. And tears have a cleansing effect whereas anger and rage has a more damaging effect. Both express the same thing – pain.

Anger is an emotion we all need to have self control over. However, anger is the fuel that charges emotional instability, especially past emotional abuse. Anger pulls us back into negativity and egoic behaviours.

Anger is humanities greatest curse against themselves, a bullet against a psychological wound to the ego, and anger is at the mercy and will be the destruction of the human, without soul or spirit connection.

Anger is a wound that can either be eternalised or internalised.

However, one is expressed with emotionality, and often makes the person appear psychotic whereas the other is passive aggressive, and can easily fool those in the environment. The passive aggressive tends to be the victor as they can easily control their anger, which is how they evade justice. ‘Hence the label emotionally stable!’

Anger tends to control Narcissistic behaviour, and this stems from a standpoint that the person acts from a damaging viewpoint, where their own perception is distorted and the world around them is the one with the problem, not themselves. Consumed by Envy, the narcissist These individuals damage their children, their spouses and the communities, all because of controlled and passive aggressive anger and also uncontrolled anger, when substances are involved.

Damaged bonding  – A game of two opposites in play!

A common theme in dysfunctional relationships is how two opposites battle from their internal emotional state. Therefore, the emotionally stable is the one that doesn’t express or show emotion whereas the emotionally unstable – does! (Sounds like the battle of the sexes) between man and woman?? Neurosis versus Psychosis or anger against empathy! The two opposite forces engage in a battle of wills, one tries to educate or help the other, or alternatively, they both fail to acknowledge the other persons point of view. Relationships are fickle, and no two are the same!

The mental health field is populated by both disorders of neurosis and psychosis, sadly, many referrals to the mental health field are the direct result of narcissistic behaviour from a parent – indicating childhood wounds, which all have their root causes, from childhood and a damaged parent!

The song by Eminem and Rihanna ‘I love the way you lie,’ was so accurate in describing the dysfunctional relationships in humanity today. To stay in something damaging or harmful because of love. Because nobody wants to be alone, and nobody wants to hear the truth – that they’re not loved? Learnt behaviours from childhood play a huge part in damaged bonds. However, what about emotional manipulation and deliberate emotional abuse! These are powerful tools that are also damaging relationships the world over.

When relationships become dysfunctional, its usually the emotionally stable that tries to help the unstable. A game of learning for two opposites, however, for the Narcissist – one of the most powerful manipulation tactics used is suicide. ‘I will kill myself if you leave me,’ and then after a day or two, the same behaviour that created the conflict in the first instance re-starts. The pattern of dysfunction restarts again. This is the reality of living with a Master manipulator who uses Suicide to control, used by those presenting with a personality disorder where suicide is a tool to evade taking responsibility or to evade justice! Again I’m not saying all suicide attempts are a manipulation tactic, only that it is used in damaged relationships to keep the emotionally safe, or the mentally sane spouse from leaving, and to force compliance from the children etc.. This is the insidious tactic used by a narcissist, where they use mental wellbeing against you!

Emotional abuse at its heightened! It’s so damaging for children, for spouses, for everybody. The threats of a narcissist are limitless and a vulnerable child is an easy target for manipulation!

Ask any child who has suffered through emotionally abusive parents and they will tell you, one of them was controlling and hurtful, and used suicide as a means to excuse their behaviour. The narcissistic parent never actually attempts such an act, they just use it to evade responsibility and to avoid consequences for their behaviour.

This is the reason someone is labelled with a personality disorder, because suicide is used as a bargaining tool to get attention and moreover, to control or keep their loved one at their side, as opposed to facing their own inner demons and healing themselves. This is the reality of living with someone, who has the real mental illness and projects their pain externally to their environment, these types cannot or will not accept they have to change their behaviour. That’s the truth about PD.

The victims get damaged and labelled whereas the perpetrator/narcissist walks away with the winning hand! A Narcissistically damaged individual cannot accept or change their behaviour, because they don’t believe they are wrong in any way, it’s everybody else’s fault.

It’s damaging the next generation of children because more and more children are coming into the mental health services telling us professionals that either their mother or father (its more the father, but mothers are guilty too) tells them they will commit suicide, after drinking alcohol, taking drugs and acting out in an irresponsible manner.

Suicide is the blackmailers tool to evade or avoid tackling their bad behaviour, children who have experienced this type of emotional manipulation from a parent, express this.

We need to listen to the children to resolve this social pandemic.

So then the children become suicidal, their cries are a voice that that needs to be heard, underneath they want to get away from the damaged parent, who is either sexually, physically, and/or emotionally abusing them. A vicious circle ensues.

True Narcissists use mental illness as a weapon against their victim to control them to stay and as a mockery against those people who genuinely are suicidal and at the end of their hope, but that’s the nature of emotional abuse! The victim is the one labelled unstable, and ends up taking their life! And they’re also the ones who are told they are too sensitive or even -crazy!

Narcissists, take your scars, your wounds and your past and use this as their weapon – to control you and the environment. They can and do control their behaviour when in the presence of authority, so even legal services get duped into believing the perpetrator is emotionally stable, because they thrive on the attention that they can get away with it, plus, they can let the mask drop and take out their anger, behind closed doors, with the family.

A narcissistic personality disorder can control their anger!

Abuse is so much more sophisticated these days, physical bruises are so last century, its now moved into the psychological field.


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