A few good Mother’s – there are a few good mothers out here in this wonderful world we all live in, a good mother understands, appreciates and knows, we are responsible for raising the next generation of sons and men!
Raising children is the most powerful role any woman can have, the mother is the home and the heart of any family, she creates the child, nurtures and supports the child’s development, without a doubt, the mother is the leader in the family unit. Yet over the course of history, the role of the mother is distorted, diluted and weakened over history, due to the growth of reckless and feckless fathers who are supported in absconding and avoiding their family and father duties because of the patriarchal system, creating a dysfunctional and inverted society, penalising good mothers and supporting bad fathers?
The mother is the nurturer for her family and a supporter for her husband! submissive and subservient whereas the man in the relationship is the dominant and authoritive.
The mother is the teacher, and leader, submissive and feminine.
With so many single mothers among society, the family unit has become fragmented and the next generation of children are growing ever more destructive, due to the broken family units.
Mother’s in different cultures are celebrated during a new born birth, she is the giver of life and without the mother, the son, and the next generation of males are created!
We’re all sensitive underneath the masks we wear.
When it comes to the opposite sex, and relationships, I think boys get a raw deal these days, especially on the emotional level. If their raised in a dysfunctional home, by a damaged mother, this gives them a distorted anima and inner image, which further distorts humanity at large. (Manipulative psychopathic masters aside,) When it comes to boys and romance, the game of love can get confusing for them! Men are such simple creatures at heart, they like their football, their beer with the buddies and the bedroom sesh. After that, they depend on, look out for, or up to, the woman in their life. For emotional tenderness, reassuring them that their heart will be nurtured, attended, loved and respected. And their biggest fear is exposing their own vulnerability with another woman!
Men compartmentalise where women catastrophise!
Raising boys is no easy task these days, especially if the family unit is broken down, through a myriad of reasons. There is so much in society that adds pressure on young boys, which can affect their confidence, masculinity, and what is expected of them, from women!
There’s an old fable – A daughter is a daughter for all of your life and a son is a son, until he gets a wife! Girls always have that mother to mother bond, and it never gets disconnected, whereas son’s take the leap away from mother, and become the husband and father, that their own father taught them, (or did not). Essentially, they lose their mother to gain a wife. Although dad’s feel like they’ve lost a daughter, when he trusts another man to keep her heart safe, they haven’t lost any real bond in the long term – Whereas – Son’s do!
So, boys lose the mother bond connection, because two women can’t come first in his life, he has to choose one over the other.
My daughters always complain, saying I favouritise my son over them, and I always reply – ‘yes but one day, I will lose him to another woman, whereas I won’t lose either of you!’ It’s a truth that every mother of a son understands, we have to trust that another woman will give them everything we have, and not only that, we have to trust that she won’t break or betray his heart, or mess with his head!
Then they have to compete in the social scene, and wrestle with their masculinity. When it comes to emotions, boys are at a disadvantage again because to be masculine, means they cannot be vulnerable. So they have a paradox to wrestle with, a dual nature that can render even the most confident, red blooded male, helpless. Which is why they hide their feelings and emotions, for fear of being taken for a ride, ridiculed, hurt, mocked etc!
Masculinity is their driving nature, and embracing their feminine side is scary for many hot blooded males! Not only that, they are more scared of revealing their vulnerable side, for fear of ridicule to their masculinity. Yet as any good mother knows, she can and does, nurture her son’s vulnerabilities.
She is the image of his anima!
Boys don’t cry!!! Why? Is there something wrong with their biology… Are they alien or otherworldly….. No they’re human beings too? So why wouldn’t a boy cry? Because of distorted masculinity? These outdated presumptions we hold about men need addressing. Men are quite sensitive, Infact, I think they’re more sensitive than women, but that’s my opinion!
Women are innately more intelligent emotionally, men struggle with this, because the teachers, leaders and other archetypes of their childhood, shaped their opinions, including their own mothers, societal pressure doesn’t help either, ultimately repressing an inner body of emotion and feeling! Forcing them and pressurising them to be something they’re not, only creates misery for our boys.
Our inner self has its own identity and doesn’t respond to concepts, stereotypes or gender assumptions. Sometimes, our families and the culture and traditions can help us to realise ourselves, other times, they can destroy us! However, all men are taught about women and how women should behave, by the example set from their mother!
Boys can hurt the worst because they may never have been shown how to deal with their emotional side. They may not have had the luxury of a mother. They’re raised and taught to be a ‘Man’ which again, is based on presumptions and adds pressure on them! Be a man, toughen up, you got to fight…. etc.
We’re raising our boys to be cowards and not men. You don’t have to fight to be masculine!! Boys and Men should only fight for the honour of their woman!
Women are being forced in masculine roles, which dilutes the role of being feminine, being a mother and nurturing. This is affects the whole family unit and the children, including the sons we women birth, and raise. Sometimes I think it’s the single parents, raising boys that raise the best one’s. Because these boys learn to see how difficult life is when their father is absent, feckless, unavailable or refusing to take responsibility and play ‘Dad!’ It makes them want to be a better person than the father that failed them!
Think of the great legends such as; Tupac, John Lennon, these great artists had the greatest of respect for their mothers, who worked hard and successfully raised them as – Real Men!
Women are becoming more masculine these days, and men are becoming more feminine, and society is getting lost in the massive changes affecting them, internally, emotionally, spiritually and socially!
Now the age of Aquarius is upon us, balance is needed. In the home and in relationships. This doesn’t mean equality means equal roles, traditionally, women are the caretaker, homemaker and family nurturer, this is the most important role us women have to offer, its sometimes a shame when women are forced into the role of provider and leader, breadwinner and mother, putting pressure on her ability to manage her family and keep feeding her children. Again, society stigmatizes the single mother, she has the heaviest job, running a home, working and trying to be the mother and father for her family. Which is why sons of single parents tend to have the highest respect towards their mother and the other women they encounter!
Men are taught how to treat women by how their mother raised them!
Just spare a thought for the single mother, and the spouse that absconded from supporting his children! Or even the battered wife and children, due to the man’s addictions and/or adultery for more women, they avoid all responsibility and accountability. Single parenting isn’t as black and white as the stigma would seem! Not every single mother has a history of promiscuity, partying lifestyle and debauchery!
Just as a fish needs water to swim, so too, does man and women need to learn to co-operate, communicate, co-habitate and compromise, this concept is part of human bonding, social engagement and respectful civil contact.
It’s a choice, one we all make daily. In our assumptions, opinions prejudices and perfections. We’re here to learn in the school of hard knocks. The playground we call life is for growth, for both parties.
We’re taught to believe things that sometimes don’t correlate to who we actually are, underneath the layers and layers of conditioning, prejudices, traumas and all the other crap we accumulate over the lifespan. Culture, society, religion tell us who we have to be, which often can have a and damaging effect on our psychology.
Happiness is a personal endeavour and one that we ourselves, are responsible for – making ourselves happy, filling up our own cup. If you expect someone or some thing to make you happy, you’ve missed to point altogether!
We’re taught that happiness is an outer quest, get more, buy more, save for more, compare yourself with x, y and z, you got to work harder, but it’s really is an inner journey. We’re here to be happy, experience the worldly delights and share with each other.
Two people will attract their opposite inner gender, to compliment each other on the outer to learn about themselves. Its universal – opposites attract, not only from a gender perspective but also a sexual one. A good relationship will be supportive and a bad one, will be disempowering and miserable.
The wrong people will always teach you the right lessons
Relationships offer us more than just human bonding, they give us an opportunity to see the other side of what we are – inside. Relationships and connections are fundamental for universal bonding. Relationships offer us the opportunity for growth, and we learn about our weaknesses, our strengths, our flaws.
As women, we are inborn nurturers, and men are by nature, protectors – both genders are care givers, one cares for the family emotionally and the other socially. Although if a man wants to rule his kingdom, he needs to provide a castle for the queen to reign beside him! If he expects her to contribute to half of everything, he too needs to hold himself to account and complete half the mundane house and family chores too! Equal distribution of labour doesnt start and end in work!
It’s traditions, rules, stereotypes and socially constructed archetypes that affect the true balance between two people.
Conflict, tensions, arguments and verbal fighting, this is a natural part of what it means to commit to loving someone, they are part of human bonding and conflict comes with relationships.
Sometimes words are cruel, sometimes the words can motivate you to change something that is dysfunctional or damaging, it’s all a learning ground.
Men have inner wounds too, and they need women to help them understand and to heal them. Maybe we should all stop being so hard on our boys, stereotyping them, they are human too!
Wounded hearts create a mask, and we all wear masks to hide or protect ourselves from being hurt.
Listen and you will see truth reveal itself. See the mirror effect and you can free yourself from any personal upset, you might even be the one in the wrong!!
And never forget – You’re not perfect!
We should give the boys a break, they’re simple creatures underneath the male bravado exterior they express. Be gentle with their heart and they’ll be gentle to you too. Women teach men as much as men teach women. That’s what life is all about.
It’s that simple!
A fine man is raised by a good mother, so if you have a boy, raise a good one, he too is learning by your example, you are giving him your anima, which is the image of his future bride and wife. So raise a good man!