What is narcissism? It’s an aspect of the ego, something that we all have and drives our motivation, enables us to function and develop self love. Narcissism is a love of oneself in the mirror, yet what we see in the mirror has the capacity to bring us down, or push us forward. A healthy narcisstic person is self reliant and needs no outer (mirror) environment to validate them for who they are. Whereas dysfunctional narcissism is validated by outer circumstances (compliments, face book likes, praise etc!) and needs echo, to validate them! Sometimes the echo is the physical mirror, other times, it’s the mirror of another person!
However, self love is a fickle topic and one that is easily misunderstood. To have self love means that you don’t need anybody else to validate you, your strong in yourself and you don’t need a constant stream of comments or likes to feel worthy. Self love is developed inside, as the beauty of the soul, or spirit. Real Self love needs no validation from the physical mirror. Whereas narcissism does! Self love is able to love all the self, even the ugly, imperfect parts. Whereas Narcissism to the self, only loves the physical body of themselves.
Yet Narcissism doesn’t function without it equal opposite – Echo. The voice of validation! Or the mirror of confirmation!
In the mythological story – Narcissus was in love with his own reflection that he saw in the water, and could love no other, he was the embodiment of a split from the mind to heart. He believed he was entitled to be loved by everyone, and it was this entitlement, that drove him away from what love really is, because he fell in love with his own (physical) reflection. Echo his counterpart, whom he rejected because nobody was capable of loving him, was his mirror and returned to him, (echolalia) what he wanted to hear! This is seen in across relationships today!
In relationships, we want to be told we are loved and admired like Narcissus, who was in love with his mirror, outer image, his vanity or ego, the persona he presented to the world. He failed to love, from the heart because the split between the mind and heart was his lesson. When a lover is told something that the other dislikes, or feels offended by, the person who has been slighted (triggered) feels so enraged at being discounted that the upset causes a reaction, or conflicts in relations. Why! Because narcissus was validated by the mirror (echo) only. He was unable to be genuinely loved, because real love is honest and truthful, and reciprocated. And it sometimes says things we don’t want to hear! Sometimes love can be cruel, especially if it doesn’t validate the mirror image of the person looking in it. Therefore, self love is completely opposite to that of narcissistic love. He died, never knowing what real love really was because he refused to hear anything other than his own words (echo lalia).
Another way we can look at this scenario is when someone says something that hurts, offends, triggers or hits an emotional nerve, the person who feels this, reacts. Why, because he wasn’t validated in his belief of himself by the other person – this is narcissistic self love.
Therefore, Echo, is the liar, or smokescreen, the person that repeats to the narcissist what the narcissist wants to hear. Regardless of this being the truth, Echo is the fatal liar, and the two dance together in harmony, until either echo gives up and stands up to narcissus, telling him/her the word no, or forming a boundary, the two will continue to dance together.
Echo validates narcissism. And when echo stops, narcissism gets insecure or upset, because their own inner belief of themselves has been challenged, affecting self love?
Narcissism needs validation, from echo (the mirror!) The smokescreen is what splits the two different concepts apart!