I have two fathers, one that lives here on earth with me, my biological human father and the other one who lives beyond the stars, my souls father, watching over me. The first time I met my soul father was when I was three, the day my biological father scooped me out of the pond, my soul father stood behind the next door neighbour, urging her to call out to my father! I remember being so mesmerised by this translucent, faceless figure. I had no idea as to what’s or who this entity was. Until we met again – years later. And even then, I questioned and reflected on the whole experience.
A paradox event of duality that began tragic and humiliating and turned into the most beautiful and breathtaking experience of my life, where behind tragedy lies the greatest treasure.
The tragedy: A miscarriage, or more accurate – haemorrhage!! it was the most humiliating day of my life but also the best day of my life, because I got to dance with my father again!
I was driving to do the shopping when I felt pain. The clock said 12:36 as I parked, that’s when I felt movement, an uncontrollable urge for the toilet. I had to get to a toilet, fast. As I was running, I could no longer hold my pelvic floor and the waters burst! My waters (blood) broke through and it was flooding out down my leg. My white trousers were almost red! I tried to hold my pelvic floor muscles tight as I ran towards the toilets. I was mortified!! I wished the earth would open up and swallow me, I felt incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Covered in blood!
One blood clot after the other dropped, it was a bit like pushing out apples! I passed about seven apples and the the blood kept trickling into the toilet. Once the trickling stopped, I quickly washed my hands, hurrying out of the restroom with my two daughters, where they helped to hide the blood coated trousers. My bag held in front of me and my girls, one in front and one behind. We ran in a synchronised line, and made it to the car. Overwhelmed with humiliation and shame.
My youngest said as we buckled up, ‘mummy are you hurty!’
Oh darling, if only you knew, I thought silently! Hoping the earth would open and swallow me whole!!
I Nodded and said yes, adding that we have to go home. I drove home anxiously, my mind was in panic, my body was in control! Once I was home, I ran to the toilet again, another five clots pushed through! I was estimating a blood loss of approx three pints, judging by the bulging apple size, blood clots!
I called the ward and asked for advice. They told me that if I had soaked approx half a pack of towels, then I was to go in! I had exceeded the limit, but I didn’t add in those blood clots! And, I didn’t want to go to hospital! [I detested hospitals because of the numerous surgeries I had throughout childhood.] I hated being the patient in hospital!
I cleaned myself up, took a quick shower and then soaked my white linen trousers in cold water. I settled my daughters, made them some food and they went off the play. It was 3pm when I lay on my bed with my feet raised. I last noticed the clock saying 3:30. I lay there waiting. Wondering if the bleeding had slowed down? I went to the toilet, I felt unsteady, dizzy and the world was moving around me? The blood flow had slowed tremendously, but I was feeling more lethargic and fatigued? I went back to lay on my bed, fighting to keep my eyes open and too weak to mobilise.
I closed my eyes and let myself relax and before long, the darkness had come to claim me. I remembered when I had my daughter, as I lay in the theatre, waiting for the anaesthetist, I felt calm and peaceful – the familiarity of surrender! I jolted, realising I was drifting off to sleep, I called out to my girls, noticing the clock 3:36 to check they were OK and to try and keep myself alert, awake! They both let me know and with relief I slumped …. when an overwhelming sense of peace and surrender engulfed me….I drifted off into darkness!
As I fell deeper and deeper into slumber, until I dropped into complete submission. I opened my eyes. It was pitch black yet I could see? I screamed and shouted but nothing happened? I didn’t wake up?? I didn’t move, or feel anything. I was suspended, in an ocean of dark matter?
I was in the void!
I stopped panicking and took this time to inspect and reflect on this vast ocean of space. I soon realised I was in a black vast space of nothing!
The void – was it my memory? Or was I being given time to review my past? Or is this the unconscious collective? Its a space for reflection! I began to appreciate the dark space and formless aspect of myself. I realised the void was a paradox, a place for healing, and facing your deepest fears!
I gazed on, it was so dark, black and I had no body…….. Formless……. Just my consciousness! The darkness was alluring, I surrendered completely.
Then, out of nowhere……. my father scooped me up… an internal motor started revving up! The revving was a slight buzzing vibration, there was noise, like a train passing. In an instant I felt my father embrace me and off we went, like a rocket…up up up, we went so fast….. flashes of light fall past my vision like blobs of lightning….. I felt incredibly elated as I blasted off in a swift speed, in this dark blue space….. It was indescribable?
A rush of excitement woke with me……wow! The shield around me was a translucent colourless field, (it was the same translucent, faceless, nameless, shaped person that rescued me from the pond as a child) as we veered at breakneck speed, through a dark blue vastness of space! Squealing with delight like a child! The bolts of lightning rained down past me, I turned around myself and it was the same everywhere, bolts of lightning around me, dropping down past my eyes? The energy inside was indescribable…. (think of the most exhilarating fair ground ride and how you feel afterwards, adrenaline pumped) alive, excited. A total contrast to the beginning in the dark void!
I screamed with child delight, ‘Lets go faster,’ I squealed with excitement, we charged ahead through the blue space, there was a light at the top. The faster we flew, the nearer we got…..we could see sparks of light, flying off from this bright light, I wondered if the raindrops of white light were flying out of my hea? Was I inside this vortex of electricity, that penetrated down through me. Or was this outer space?? The flashes of white light rained down in front, behind the speed was most enchanting….Finally….. I pierced the white light.
Then I was spat out! The area was dark again, like another void. I realised I was now alone, then I called for my father, as it was dark again.
Then the most magical moment happened…..
I was this translucent bubble of energy and I started to fill with white light? The outer shell of my aura skin was now filled with bright white light. I turned to look to my left and noticed this huge vast source of power behind me. It was like this source had birthed me out into another universe? Or had I just seen the inside of my brain? Once my light grew bigger, I could see more lights, in the distance, and another huge white orb!
Words fail to describe the experience – It was huge, insurmountable energy of power, I fail to find the words that can give the deperience any justice! It was everything and nothing………a masterpiece that allowed you to see inside, outside and inbetween all at once ……… Breathtaking ………. Density, and stillness! Motion, with e-motion! The masterpiece and the blank canvas, a paradox!
I saw a vortex, a dip in the vast space. I was beginning to feel like I was on the outer edge of the milky way, a swirl in the centre and vast space at the oter edges, I went over… when I felt myself falling again… I felt myself stop…. Bump…. it was like my soul was thrown back into my body with a thump? My eyes flicked open as I looked around my bedroom?
The moonlight was shining a spotlight through the bedroom window and onto my bed. It felt like I had stepped out of the spotlight of the moon! Then, I took a breathe, the air painfully entered my lungs, in one gasp, the oxygen had started to circulate my human body. The tightness in my chest was starting to move and expand as I took more breathes.
The clock read 6:36. My partner had come home with our son, A tear escaped down the side of my left eye and coursed its way, slowly towards my ear.
I lay in stillness, when the realisation occurred – The portal to god or portal 10 is accessed within!
Hard to prove I know, as I was at home?
The down pour of lightning bolts of energy surrounding me, enamating from the white light? The speed of travel was faster than anything humanly possible!
– The void is the underworld! The realm of the Unconscious
– The life review is your subconscious merging with consciousness! Memories and experiences are all stored in here! You can’t escape this part, you will review your Karma!
– The G force is the kundalini power or God Force! God, Or Source whatever your personal perception is – All that is!
The powerful experience gave me a valuable lesson that I’ll never forget. The greatest of tragedies can often serve as a catalyst for growth.
Learn from the master, the heart!
We are not alone. We are never alone, never ever feel like your alone when you are at your lowest. Love is always standing by. Always!