The Journey Home
I have two fathers, one that lives here on earth with me, my biological human father and the other one who lives beyond the stars, my souls father, watching over me. The first time I met my soul father was when I was three, the day my biological father scooped me out of the pond, my soul father stood behind the next-door neighbour, urging her to call out to my father! I remember being so mesmerised by this translucent, faceless figure. I had no idea as to what’s or who this entity was. Until we met again – years later. And even then, I questioned and reflected on the whole experience.
A paradox event of duality that began tragic and humiliating and turned into the most beautiful and breath-taking experience of my life, where behind tragedy lies the greatest treasure.
The tragedy: A miscarriage, or more accurate – haemorrhage!! it was the most humiliating day of my life but also the best day of my life, because I got to dance with my father again!
I was driving to do the shopping when I felt pain. The clock said 12:36 as I parked, that’s when I felt movement, an uncontrollable urge for the toilet. I had to get to a toilet, fast. As I was running, I could no longer hold my pelvic floor and the waters burst! My waters (blood) broke through and it was flooding out down my leg. My white trousers were almost red! I tried to hold my pelvic floor muscles tight as I ran towards the toilets. I was mortified!! I wished the earth would open up and swallow me, I felt incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Covered in blood!
One blood clot after the other dropped, it was a bit like pushing out apples! I passed about seven apples and the blood kept trickling into the toilet. Once the trickling stopped,
I quickly washed my hands, hurrying out of the restroom with my two daughters, where they helped to hide the blood coated trousers. My bag held in front of me and my girls, one in front and one behind. We ran in a synchronised line and made it to the car.
Overwhelmed with humiliation and shame.
My youngest said as we buckled up, ‘mummy are you hurty!’
Oh darling, if only you knew, I thought silently! Hoping the earth would open and swallow me whole!!
I Nodded and said yes, adding that we must go home. I drove home anxiously, my mind was in panic, my body was in control! Once I was home, I ran to the toilet again, another five clots pushed through! I was estimating a blood loss of approximately. three pints, judging by the bulging apple size, blood clots!
I called the ward and asked for advice. They told me that if I had soaked approximately half a pack of towels, then I was to go in! I had exceeded the limit, but I didn’t add in those blood clots! And, I didn’t want to go to hospital! [I detested hospitals because of the numerous surgeries I had throughout childhood.] I hated being the patient in hospital!
I cleaned myself up, took a quick shower and then soaked my white linen trousers in cold water. I settled my daughters, made them some food and they went off the play. It was 3pm when I lay on my bed with my feet raised. I last noticed the clock saying 3:30. I lay there waiting. Wondering if the bleeding had slowed down? I went to the toilet, I felt unsteady, dizzy and the world was moving around me? The blood flow had slowed tremendously, but I was feeling more lethargic and fatigued? I went back to lay on my bed, fighting to keep my eyes open and too weak to mobilise.
I closed my eyes and let myself relax and before long, the darkness had come to claim me. I remembered when I had my daughter, as I lay in the theatre, waiting for the anaesthetist, I felt calm and peaceful – the familiarity of surrender! I jolted, realising I was drifting off to sleep, I called out to my girls, noticing the clock 3:36 to check they were OK and to try and keep myself alert, awake! They both let me know and with relief I slumped …. when an overwhelming sense of peace and surrender engulfed me….I drifted off into darkness!
As I fell deeper and deeper into slumber, until I dropped into complete submission. I opened my eyes. It was pitch black, yet I could see? I screamed and shouted but nothing happened? I didn’t wake up?? I didn’t move or feel anything. I was suspended, in an ocean of dark matter?
I was in the void!
I stopped panicking and took this time to inspect and reflect on this vast ocean of space. I soon realised I was in a black vast space of nothing!
The void – was it my memory? Or is this the unconscious collective? It’s a space for reflection! I began to appreciate the dark space and formless aspect of myself. I realised the void was a paradox, a place for healing, and facing your deepest fears!
I gazed on, it was so dark, black and I had no body…….. Formless but I knew I existed? ……. Just my consciousness! The darkness was alluring, I surrendered completely.
Then, out of nowhere……. my father scooped me up… an internal motor started revving up! The revving was a slight buzzing vibration, there was noise, like a train passing. In an instant I felt my father embrace me and off we went, like a rocket…up, we went so fast….. flashes of light fell past my vision like blobs of lightning….. I felt incredibly elated as I blasted off in a swift speed, in this dark space….. It was indescribable? Yet there was no tunnel? It was blue, the space that I was travelling through.
A rush of excitement woke with me……wow! The shield around me was a translucent colourless field, (it was the same translucent, faceless, nameless, shaped person that rescued me from the pond as a child) as we veered at breakneck speed, through a dark blue vastness of space! Squealing with delight like a child! The bolts of lightning rained down past me, I turned around myself and it was the same everywhere, bolts of lightning around me, dropping down past my eyes? The energy inside was indescribable…. (think of the most exhilarating fairground ride and how you feel afterwards, adrenaline pumped) alive, excited. A total contrast to the beginning in the dark void!
I screamed with child delight, ‘Let’s go faster,’ I squealed with excitement, we charged ahead through the blue space, there was a light at the top. The faster we flew, the nearer we got…..we could see sparks of light, flying off from this bright light, I wondered if the raindrops of white light were flying out of my head but the journey was too far, and the speed was too fast, there was no way this light was in my head. I was inside this vortex of what I can only describe as electricity, that penetrated through me. The flashes of white light rained down in front, behind the speed was most enchanting…. Finally….. I pierced the white light, I was in awe of this light, this omnipotent being.
Then I was spat out! The area was dark again, I realised I was now alone, then I called for my father. ‘Where did you go? Where did the light go,’ I remember saying! In a telepathic way.
Then the most magical moment happened…..
I was now this translucent bubble of energy and I started to fill with white light? The outer shell of my aura skin was now filled with bright white light. I turned to look to my left and noticed this huge vast source behind me, the light was blinding. It was like this source of love and light had birthed me. My light grew bigger, I could see more smaller light orbs in the vast space that I was in!
Words fail to describe the experience – It was huge, insurmountable energy of light, an experience that was both calming and beautiful. I fail to find the words that can give the experience any justice! It was everything and nothing………a masterpiece that allowed you to see inside, outside and in-between all at once ……… Breath-taking ………. Density, and stillness! Motion, with e-motion! The masterpiece and the blank canvas, it was a paradox!
Then after a short moment, I was taken up again, only this time, I went to a garden. The garden was beautiful, I was in awe of this magical place that’s when I realised we were somewhere that was real, I asked the person who was with me to show himself to me. I begged and begged, and said please, ‘how will I know what you look like if I don’t see your face I want to put an image to you’. Then he appeared in the middle of the garden, he looked very ancient almost like a Mayan Elder. If there was any religion or culture I could place him with, it would be the native American culture.
He wore a beige gown, akin to animal skin but it wasn’t animal hide to himself and I was also wearing a similar dress code. My dress code was like what you would see in a cartoon like Pocahontas. I never had any feathers in my hair, or anything like that. Our dress code was a little like what eskimos would wear, only it wasn’t cold as such. My feet had these long bare skin boots that went to my knees with straps that kept them tied up. When he appeared to me in a physical form, I dropped to my knees, I was in total awe of him that I bowed down. Here, I saw the master, the man that everybody spends their whole life praying to, asking for favour and I felt so blessed and overwhelmed, the joy I felt was indescribable. Was this heaven? Had I found God’s kingdom? I instantly dropped to my knees to honour him, I was in total awe of him! He beckoned me to come forth and in my total shock and awe, I dropped to my knees in total surrender. Then, he gave me three animals. A dove, a butterfly and a Lion. There was also a bird flying around us, I didn’t catch what species it was, as I was enrapt in this presence, I was so grateful for his gifts that I words escaped me. I was bewitched, possessed even by his presence. It was a truly awe-inspiring experience. It was brief, this moment we met, and I was gifted with three power animals!
I sat in the presence of God? I was in total awe of him. After going through the white light, and then into the garden. If this being that I met was not God, If God is only light and love, then it must have been my guardian angel. All I can say is that the experience and the awe that I felt, when he materialised to me, gave me the most spine tingling memories I have ever had.
Then as my head was bowed, I was quickly returned to my body. It was like my soul was thrown back into my body with a thump? My eyes flicked open as I looked around my bedroom? The moonlight was shining a spotlight through the bedroom window and onto my bed. It felt like I had stepped out of the spotlight of the moon! Then, I took a breath, the air painfully entered my lungs, in one gasp, the oxygen had started to circulate my human body. The tightness in my chest was starting to move and expand as I took more breathes.
The clock read 6:36. My partner had come home with our son, A tear escaped down the side of my left eye and coursed its way, slowly towards my ear.
I lay in stillness, when the realisation occurred – The portal to god or portal 10 is accessed within! I went home, where my soul was free, or I was reborn again. The universe that I sat in was the most amazing experience I had ever seen. I kept wondering if I had dreamt such a thing, but the experience was too real. I felt the emotions, I felt and experienced the pure joy and ecstasy of being in the blue space. Then entering the garden.
Emotion is energy in motion and on that day, as I soared through the white light, I met god. Some sceptics say there is no higher power, I disagree, I would say with absolute certainty that there is. Was this the Kundalini, the experience of ecstasy and bliss. Well it was the most powerful, blissful, and highly energising experience for me. God is omnipotent and all powerful, he has no face, or form. He stands behind you or beside you, you know he is there, but you can’t see any face or shape, and the only way to describe this powerful presence, is by knowing.
I’ve researched and researched over this phenomenon and read around NDE’s and what they are. There are many similar stories to mine, where they too explain this vast space, where you suspend, yet you are totally powerless within this realm. Some people who I have met have also described a vast desert that goes on and on forever. All I can say is God has full command over your consciousness and your destiny. The power is real. God is a real entity that gives us the gift of life. The gift of allowing us to return to earth and continue to enjoy the playground of creation.
God speaks to us, not in what I would describe as a sound voice, but more a mind to mind communication. You think you are talking, and you are, only not using the mouth or voice box. The one we all use to communicate with each other, this voice we use in darkness is of a mental telepathic connection.