The unconscious synergy of the masculine and feminine in dysfunctional relationships.

It has two sides. On one side of the coin, it expresses itself by arrogance. On the other side, it expresses itself in helplessness and ignorance. However, A healthy balance of narcissism is expressed by self help and independence.

One is dependent, the other is independent, like the pendulum that swings between two polarities, the ego is challenged with choosing the dependent or independent because it has no concept of it self!

The arrogant and independent can also be arrogant and dependent. And vice versa for helplessness and dependency, which can be addressed positively through self help and independence.

The dance of two opposites occurs when unconscious traumas or archetypes are active, below the surface of consciousness. What this means is; sometime in our past, or during childhood, the body recorded an incident or experience which the self perceived, as a threat. This threat is then repressed away from consciousness or direct memory recall. Both partners will have an unconscious archetype or wound that was either abandoned, abused or damaged during development. These two unconscious wounds, that have been repressed, become the driving force between the dysfunctional couple. The neglect that is felt, as a child, is also stored with the wound, therefore increasing the pressure on the ego, to maintain control. The more forceful or dominant the ego, the more insecure the person becomes and the psyche fights harder to hide the original wound, compensating the ego with the outer projection of power over and control. Masking the inner original wound or insecurity, felt within!

One is the victim, one is the perpetrator. The strongest ego will demonstrate power over and the weaker ego will be passive and receptive to the stronger egos demands. In dysfunctional entanglements, the repressed memories of childhood drive and motivate the couple due to unconscious bonding structure, formed in youth.

E.g. A male with a damaged anima, who experienced abandonment and neglect, will grow up protecting itself from the world and believing the world is a hostile, lonely place. The psyche builds up defence’s around the inner child and abhors the inner child for being weak! This denial of the inner child then creates the bitterness and acidity of tongue towards all those that he perceives who are vulnerable and weak. This forms the ground work for abuse. The psyche projects this weakness in the material world, treating all those who are weaker and dependent with contempt. To hide this contempt, the person will talk themselves up and project their image of a caring, doting father. When in reality, his shadow undermines, and is repulsed by what he projects. This creates a split personality, where the good, trustworthy persona is displayed, to glean trust from outer sources and to bolster the ego, and the damaged psyche aspect of the personality, breathes within the confines of his kith, kin and kingdom.


He will then be attracted to the fragile, weak, fragmented or damaged animus in a woman.

Someone with low, or no empathy is drawn like a magnet to those with high empathy, to compensate the others lack of compassion. It’s the LAW of BALANCE! LAW OF GENDER. LAW OF POLARITY. LAW OF VIBRATION. LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT!

Universal LAW cannot be denied!

Both players have issues that need addressing, not just the perpetrator!! The victim also has work to do, on their own weaknesses. Projecting blame on the abuser does little to  heal the soul’s pain! Discovering and healing your own inner wounds is the fastest way to recovering from an abusive relationship. As universal LAW states, you cannot run away from YOUR emotional pain!

A woman with a damaged animus, who experienced trauma, abuse, abandonment, will also store the memory away unconsciously, like her male counterpart. Her beliefs regarding men will be fragmented, she may believe all men are angry and abusive, or dull and boring, which affects her animus. If her animus is damaged because all the male figures in her life were absent or abusive, her animus may never have developed and she will always find herself a victim, or seduced by, a man with a damaged anima!

She can’t break the spell until she turns her focus inwards, and addresses her own repressed turmoil, repairing her animus and reclaiming him. Likewise for the perpetrator, he too, is unable to break the spell, until he faces and owns his anima and reclaims her.

Taking responsibility, and bringing the unconscious up into consciousness, is the key to exit the unconscious confines of the prison within the psyche and the glue that binds the two, in dysfunctional bonding.

2 thoughts on “The unconscious synergy of the masculine and feminine in dysfunctional relationships.

    1. Thank you Deb, yes I agree, all those unconscious wounds and hurts from a time in the past can wreak havoc on the present. Facing and purging pain isn’t easy, or gentle, and takes courage, the prize or reward, for accomplishing these unconscious wounds is liberation x

      Liked by 1 person

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