The F plan – to break away from negative thought processes and unhealthy patterns.
Often our inner critic can be so disabling to our development that it can stunt our growth in more ways than we could imagine. Rebuilding self esteem after trauma, regardless of what type of trauma, can be a difficult journey. Especially if you’re consciously trying to overcome negative habits, negative thought patterns or even negative behavioural traits.
The inner critic rears its ugly head when we attempt to break unhealthy habits or when restoring self worth. We often pressurise ourselves to achieve something we wanted, or punish ourselves for breaking a new healthy routine, when we hit that road block or wall, we fall down and all the good intentions we had, with making a positive change to our behaviour and attitude, can thwart all your attempts at focusing on breaking the bondage. We begin to feel defeated and the inner critic rises up with answers like, ‘what’s the point,’ or ‘See I told you,’ Eventually, we feel defeated and give up, or revert back to the unhealthy habit. It’s like fighting a losing battle!
Is your inner critic harsh! Does you inner critic stunt you’re growth by pulling you down? Does your inner critic control your shadow behaviours or your internal thought processes? Does the inner critic, stop you going for your goals? Does you’re inner critic constantly keep reminding you of all your failures, putting you off tackling them?
One of the things I found useful was to challenge the inner critic, sometimes the critic can be harsh and nasty to our development, impacting on self esteem and confidence. I found that reversing the critic from self punishment, to one of self control. I learnt that by confronting, or facing the inner critic, I took the upper hand and gained mastery over the nagging, critic by using my F Plan!
The F plan has three options when the inner critic rises to attack you. Whatever the situation you find yourself with, by silencing the inner critic with a harsh reply, can do wonders for your growth and wellbeing.
The three responses that help to shock and silence the critic is one of three options.
For example; the dream you always wanted to peruse, such as, running your own bistro as you’ve always found cooking a passionate pastime? However, your dream and your attempts were tarnished, vilified and trashed by you’re ex? (He said your cooking was crap, your inner critic repeats his words. My cooking is crap!) To such a point that you no longer believe you’re able to master this skill again! Your self esteem has been eroded so much over time, that you don’t feel confident anymore? Or you think the ex was right, that you don’t have any skills or talents with your passion. Your behaviour has been modified over time, that you no longer trust in your own skills accepting you can’t.
But you can!
The best way to overcome the nagging voice of doubt or worry is to employ one of the three options;
1: F… it, I CAN do this and I will!
2: F… them, I WILL show you!
3: F… off, I’m going to DO this!
Power words – I can and I will.
If these three words are too harsh, change the F word to one that you know you will abide by. Sod it, bugger it? Whatever word or reaction, you can find that silences the inner critic in their tracks. It has to have the shock value! Giving you power over your thought processes and over the situation that you feel is going to overwhelm you.
Often, for people who have been conditioned to abusive environments, find their boundaries have been traumatically violated. Trying to undo, or heal from such abuse can take a lifetime of recovery for some people. They have been conditioned to accept verbal slander or abusive threats. Victims of abuse are de sensitised from giving themselves permission, they have always had to ask permission from another, thus, the inner critic ceases their learning. Victims in recovery struggle to permit themselves the freedom to express their pain and trauma, or they internalise the trauma, and self blame, that they reach a point in recovery where their inner critic restricts them from moving forward.
The inner critic is the voice of pain, and the space where the pain is responding to the original trauma is an opportunity for you to claim power over yourself and develop skills and mantras, that help you move forward with recovery and restore equilibrium.
The F plan is a ideal tool that you can employ, when you feel the old shadowy voices of the past, creep up and sabotage your progress, replacing your inner feelings of worthlessness, to feeling empowered and worthy.
Give your inner critic, the treatment it deserves. Face it head on and tell it where to go with the F plan!