Emotional Attachments

The human mind an amazing organ, housing billions of neurons and neural pathways, leading from one neural network to another. Imagine a grid around the brain that resembles a spiders web, this is the main frame of sharing information. Data is observed or absorbed, and analysed or interpreted individually, translating energetic information from one destination to another. The data from the environment, is translated to the individual and this data is stored or discarded, depending on whether the data, has an emotional component. If there is no emotional component, the data has no value or meaning, therefore, it is discarded. However, if there is an emotion felt, whether the emotion was good, or bad, the memory will stay, in storage.

The mind translates information it receives from visualisations and sensory stimulus, de-coding and re-coding information so we understand something that we can relate to, from an energetic imprint to one that we can feel emotionally and attach meaning to.

What feelings we attach to experiences, impacts not only the memory of the event, but also the power that we assign to the event. The mind analyses everything, the emotional intelligence, the range and depth of emotional experience, the physical intelligence, where pain or pleasure is felt, the mental/intellectual intelligence, what we think we know and the intuitive/spiritual intelligence, what we do know, but can’t prove.

Emotional intelligence, which isn’t the same as physical age, is a measurement of maturity, that doesn’t regress back to infantile states, using drama or manipulation for attention or personal gain. Emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between feeling emotionally charged and then acting upon it as opposed to reacting from previously programmed emotional responses. To be emotionally mature is to be responsible and accountable for your behaviour.

Dysfunctional bonding is created in childhood from abuse. If a child is raised by violence or is emotionally neglected, the pattern from early life is ingrained in the child. Emotional neglect is as damaging as physical neglect. A child that is neither loved or cared for emotionally, will develop coping skills and habits, to acquire love and emotional support from relationships away from the family home. Or, repeat the same pattern of dysfunctional programming to the next generation.

A child will develop into an adult and apply the same dysfunctional habits and traits for survival against violence they experienced, using coping skills they learnt from a young age, to protect them.  The emotional attachments they created from childhood, will continue into adult life. Survival strategies from emotional neglect emerge in adulthood as addictions, impulsive urges, dangerous liaisons and shadow behaviours, to name a few.

The cycle repeats itself again, until somebody stops the pattern or challenges the dysfunction to break the cycle, of emotional neglect.

5 Thoughts

  1. I was a severely abused child. As an adult, I never had addictions, dangerous liaisons or impulsive actions. Actually, I was the opposite. I DID, however marry a narcissist. He only hit me once and only grabbed me twice. He was more or less absent….pursuing his career. I broke the chain by not beating my children but I have never been able to tell them I love them.

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    1. Me too, and bless you. I too was involved with a narcissist, except mine didn’t pursue a career, he chased adrenaline highs and enjoyed physical fights and was a pathological liar. I recognised the pattern and tried to get him to see it too, to break the chains of childhood conditioning. I left eventually.
      It’s the last line that brings a tear to my eye, a familiar agony that I too have felt and understood. For my healing and to help me step over this hurdle, I wrote a letter of compassion to my younger self, it helped me find peace of mind. However, I also felt that saying those three words several times a day to my ex, kind of killed the power they held.
      My children understand that I express affection rather than verbalise it, I prove what I feel to them, rather than rely of words alone.

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      1. My children always said they understood but I’m not sure they did. They no longer speak to me. They chose their daddy over me because I couldn’t get over the adultery. They laughed at me and made fun of me when I was diagnosed with PTSD. They thought I should just “get over it.”

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      2. It sounds like their father has a strong psychological hold over the children. A typical narcissistic strategy, use children as collateral in a domestic separation. Truth is, they don’t care about the welfare of their child, only the outcome which is winning the argument.
        I’m not sure how old your children are, (they sound teenage?) which is a difficult age without complications.
        Are you getting support, therapy etc.

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      3. Ha. My children are 39,38,35 and 33. I think it’s the phenomenon of always wanting the approval of the abusive parent. I was always there for them. He was always at “work” (meaning at a bar with another colleague or woman.) He yelled and screamed at them and slapped them. As adults, he called my son “a worthless piece of shit” and called my two oldest daughters “just fucking firefighters.” When he decided to turn me into his whore, I had enough and filed. (He had a woman he had been parading all over the state where he lived and then would lie to her and sneak down to see me and “play” husband.) When he told me about her, I asked for a divorce and he said no. It’s all in my blog. He’s a real piece of work.
        So, my children couldn’t stand that I fell into a ditch and couldn’t get out.
        I’ve been in and out of therapy for ten years now. So far….not so good.

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